So… here’s Haylee’s story from her first few weeks of life…
I breastfed her exclusively and while she struggled at first to get the hang of it, eventually she seemed to figure things out and we thought things were good. She gained weight at her one week and two week checks, but we didn’t have another check up until she was 6 weeks. Mack and Jen happened to be in town, so Mom and Jen went with me to the doctor.
The doctor came in the room and asked me how strongly I felt about breastfeeding. I said that I felt pretty strongly about it and with a straight face and extreme lack of doctor beside manner bluntly informed me that I needed to take her to the hospital! Talk about shock factor. Going from thinking all was good in baby-land to, "Ma’am, you need to check your 6 week old baby into the hospital" is a giant leap to take. He said that she was being diagnosed with what’s called "failure to thrive."
We were just devastated to hear that she was underweight, mal-nourished, and dehydrated as well. At birth, she was 6lbs 13oz, and at this check up she was only 6lbs 9oz. We knew she was small, but seeing her day by day, all day, we didn’t notice that anything was wrong. Looking back now at pictures though it is sooo obvious that things were not good. Her face was so gaunt and eyes sunk in. It really is a wonder that we didn’t realize.
The reason the doctor wanted her in the hospital was because she would need monitoring if we were going to try to continue to breastfeed her. I think if I would have just said that I would go ahead and bottle feed, he would have sent me home to do just that.
But instead, we headed to the hospital, after a quick bit of a freak out call to Chris to let him know what was going on.
When we got there, they tried to put in an IV to give her some fluids since she was so dehydrated, but her veins were just too little. They tried and tried and tried again with no success. They even called a NICU nurse, but even she had no success. They finally gave up and we headed back to our room.
We stayed at the hospital for three trying days. They instructed us to feed her every two hours round the clock, and they weighed her almost constantly.
I don’t think I will ever, ever forget giving Haylee her first tiny bottle. Our little one gobbled up that bottle like one who was starving. It really broke my heart. I couldn’t believe that we had not known she was so hungry. I mean… how could we not know that? She was such a complacent baby that we didn’t recognize the problem.
But… it only got worse. Apparently, there was a new hospital policy in place that our pediatrician didn’t know of. If you are admitted with "failure to thrive" diagnosis, Social Services is automatically notified and that fast, you are a "case." In the hospital, we were talked to by a suspicious, dirt-seeking nurse and the hospital’s social worker. Mom about went off on the social worker, but I had watched enough tv to know that it is better to go along with them, then try to fight and make them think there is something to hide.
The amazing thing was the nurse’s conversation with me. She tried to approach me as a fellow mother who knew what things were like and tried to get me to admit things that weren’t true. I remember her telling me she had an infant and how she knew how it was hard and exhausting etc to get up in the middle of the night to feed them. As she was talking, I found myself nodding along in agreement at first, but then caught myself as I realized I was being set up.
They also kept mentioning that I should get a pump and let Chris help me with the late night feedings. The implication was obvious that they thought I was just being lazy and letting my poor baby cry in the middle of the night instead of getting up and feeding her.
It was an overall horrific experience that I would not wish on anyone and would not ever want to repeat. The social worker lied to us and told us that our pediatrician had notified them, but in reality he had no idea that his diagnosis would lead to all this investigation.
When we asked him about it, he was shocked that DSS had been called. He said that they had no business being involved, but at that point, it was too late. Once a case has been opened, they are required to investigate it.
We went home then and I began pumping and supplementing, but the schedule became too much for me with her eating every two hours and it wasn’t long before I gave up on the pumping/breastfeeding. We had two home visits from DSS where they looked around the house and checked out the baby’s room etc. We actually had an escape route planned in case we ever got to the point of needing one. Our plan was to exit out our basement entrance to our neighbor’s house and go to a relative’s house in SC.
Thankfully, we never needed to execute that plan, and we eventually did get a letter from them stating that they found that the claims were "unsubstantiated" and supposedly this is not on our record anywhere. I find that doubtful though. Heaven forbid some allegation came up in later years, I wouldn’t be surprised if this issue would surface. Added to that is the use of the word "unsubstantiated" which basically means we couldn’t prove it one way or the other.
It was a crazy, trying time in our lives, and we were so thankful when it was all over. I am glad that we were able to discover it when we did, and it wasn’t long before Haylee began to fill out and look much, much better.
So that’s our history. Our breastfeeding baggage. Seeing Wade struggle to get nourishment was not a good thing to see. I don’t ever want a child of ours to experience what Haylee did, and I guess that makes me see things a bit differently….
WOW. I admire you for even giving b.feeding a mins. thought with Wade after all that. What a horrifying experience.
What an unbelievable story! I had to deal with a baby that wouldn’t latch on, sore & cracked nipples, and hormones raging the first time around… but you had to deal with DSS too?! Amazing…
I think I’d heard part of this before, but not the whole story. Yikes, what an ordeal! I think bf is a very personal and individual decision. It’s not up to us to make those kinds of choices for other people. Don’t judge yourself over it. You’re making the decision you need to make for your family. :-)
Lovin’ the pics of Wade on Facebook!
Okay… Just had a nice sobbing cry reliving all the drama and sadness that surrounded that whole ordeal! I’m so glad that everything worked out in the end, but I hope no one ever has to go through that and I wasn’t even the one personally going through it! Now that I am a parent myself I just can’t even imagine what you were feeling! :(
Renee, I remember that time vaguely and it made me sad to think about it again. I’m glad it is all over with now. Baby Wade is precious and I am so excited for you all. CONGRATS!! I think you are an awesome parent – anyone can look at Haylie and know that!!!!
Gosh, I had no idea you had such an awful experience! That’s terrible! I sincerely hope things go much better with Baby Wade. I had trouble breast feeding my first one, too, and I can understand how you’d miss the signs of mal-nourishment, especially if there’s not another similarly aged baby around to compare yours with. Being a first time mom is no picnic! Don’t worry, you’ll do a wonderful job with your new little one!